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Is everything in love already written, or can you rewrite your story? Here’s how your beliefs ...
More influence your romantic experiences. Think back to the last time you faced a challenge in your relationship. Did you try to work through it? Or did you wonder if it was a sign that things weren’t meant to be? Without realizing it, we carry internal narratives that shape how we experience relationships, respond to conflict and even how we move on after a breakup.
One of the most powerful and often overlooked beliefs is the idea of romantic destiny. If you believe that love should feel effortless when it’s right, that soulmates exist or that the perfect relationship just “clicks,” you most likely hold “destiny beliefs.” These beliefs can make the beginning of a relationship feel magical, like everything is falling into place.
But when things start to feel off, you may quickly start questioning whether this is truly “the one” or if you’ve just been wasting your time. In contrast, if you believe that love grows through time and effort, you lean more toward growth beliefs. This mindset encourages working through challenges and viewing rough patches as part of the process, not signs of incompatibility.
These core beliefs don’t just affect how you love but also how you heal, stay or let go. Here are two ways destiny beliefs impact your love life. If you’ve ever thought, “If it’s right, it should just work,” you’re not alone.
That’s a classic example of a destiny belief — the idea that two people are either meant to be together or not. In the early days of love, that belief can feel incredible. There’s passion, certainty and that intoxicating sense of fate.
However, a two-year longitudinal study of 904 couples in 2024 found that while destiny believers started out feeling more satisfied, they were also more likely to see their satisfaction decline over time. The researchers found that when both partners strongly believed their relationship was “meant to be,” they were more likely to see their satisfaction decline the fastest. This is because when problems arise, as they inevitably do, people with destiny beliefs may interpret them as signs that the relationship isn’t “meant to be.
” Instead of working through the issue, such individuals are more likely to step back, avoid tough conversations or even walk away. It’s not because they don’t care, but because their belief system frames effort as a red flag, not a requirement. This makes it hard to sustain a connection when real life kicks in.
If you believe that love is something you build over time, through communication and patience, you’re more likely to approach challenges with curiosity rather than panic. People with growth beliefs don’t expect perfection — they expect progress. This subtle shift in mindset leads to a very different experience of love.
As seen in the study, people with stronger growth beliefs saw slower declines in satisfaction over two years. They were also more likely to view their relationship history positively and were more optimistic about the future, which led them to invest more deeply in the relationship itself, whether through planning, problem-solving or even seeking therapy. Interestingly, relationship satisfaction and belief feed off each other, too.
Higher satisfaction early on was found to increase growth beliefs over time, suggesting that the more positively you view your relationship, the more likely you are to believe it can evolve and grow. The good news is that these beliefs aren’t set in stone. This means you can shift from a “meant to be” mindset to a “we’ll build this together” mindset, especially when you start recognizing that even the best relationships require work.
So, if you’re starting to feel like love should be effortless or you’re wondering whether a challenge means your relationship is doomed, try and pause. You might just be seeing things through the lens of a destiny belief. Shifting your belief system doesn’t mean giving up on romance or magic.
It just means making space for the kind of love that’s real and rooted in effort. When you start seeing challenges as opportunities to understand and deepen your bond rather than as threats, you move from passively giving in to “fate” to the active creation of a fulfilling relationship. Destiny beliefs paint love as magical and “meant to be,” often promoting an idealized version of relationships shaped by media and popular culture.
They reflect a fixed mindset — the idea that a relationship is either effortless and destined or not meant to be at all. This belief system can show up in your love life in two major ways. One is that you give up too soon: when problems arise, you may not see them as workable but rather as signs that it wasn’t “meant to be,” which can lead to avoidable breakups.
Paradoxically, another way it can show up is having a tough time letting go and accepting the end of a relationship. This is because destiny beliefs may lead individuals to view a breakup as a personal loss of fate, or “missing your soulmate.” This is backed by research.
A recent study explored how destiny beliefs influence post-relationship contact attempts, like obsessively checking an ex’s social media, trying to reconnect or, in extreme cases, even stalking them. People who believed the relationship was “meant to be” were more likely to engage in these behaviors after a breakup, holding on, hoping for a sign or trying to fix what felt like a loss of fate. They often struggled to accept the breakup because it felt like something that shouldn’t have ended — like fate made a mistake.
Interestingly, those who also felt their partner was a good “fit” were even more likely to engage in these behaviors, reinforcing the belief that they lost something “perfect.” This highlights how destiny beliefs complicate how you navigate both challenges and endings. Shifting away from a “meant-to-be” mindset is crucial, especially when dealing with breakups.
Relationships require work — and sometimes, despite one’s best efforts, things don’t work out. Accepting that is part of healing. Instead of viewing challenges or breakups as fate’s judgment, recognize them as opportunities for growth.
Embrace the belief that love is not about waiting for perfection but about working together to build something sustainable. When you let go of the “destiny” narrative, you free yourself from the weight of unattainable ideals, allowing yourself to heal and evolve. You can gracefully move on when things don’t work out, without holding onto a fantasy of fate.
Remember, the most fulfilling and lasting relationships are crafted by embracing the work necessary to build something meaningful. The real magic lies in the deep connection that flourishes when you invest in yourself and your partner. Is your mindset helping you grow or holding you back in love? Take this science-backed test to find out: Growth Mindset Scale.
