1 week Ago
Pope Francis has died, and I have a regret. Early on in his pontificate, I wanted to write a book that would have his face on the cover. At the time, everyone seemed to be coming out with a book on “the Francis effect” about the first pope from the Americas.
More than one publisher had talked with me about the possibility of writing something about — or adjacent to — him. I never did. Truth be told: I think I killed all discussions with my buzzkill of a proposed title: “Why Is This Man Weeping?” I think the pope would have been into the title.
Sure, he wrote an exhortation about the joy of the Gospel. But he was constantly talking about weeping. “All of us have felt joy, sadness and sorrow in our lives,” but “have we wept during the darkest moment?” he asked in 2013 Easter-season homily.
“Have we had that gift of tears that prepare the eyes to look, to see the Lord?” Francis asked. Weeping, he said, “prepares us to see Jesus.” And now that I’ve started thinking about regrets, it turns out I have a few.
I wish Jen Fulwiler had the opportunity to meet Francis. Jen is a former atheist. She hosted a radio show on the Catholic Channel on Sirius (where I have a weekdays feature).
But her life took a turn when Kate Spade, the designer, died by suicide. “Just yesterday I was shopping for Kate Spade purses and paused to think what a perfect, problem-free life she must have,” Fulwiler wrote on social media in the summer of 2018 when the news broke. “Gosh,” she continued.
“Those kinds of assumptions are so wrong and dangerous.” Fulwiler is now a comedian. “I wear a Kate Spade bracelet every time I do standup comedy,” Fulwiler wrote in November 2019.
“Putting on that bracelet before each show is always a meaningful moment, because it reminds me why I do this.” Fulwiler was “gutted” when she learned Spade killed herself. “It reminded me that so many people who seem to have perfect lives actually have really deep, dark struggles that nobody sees.
I had been dabbling with standup comedy for a while, but when I heard the news about her death, I instantly committed myself to it 100% and have not looked back since.” Jen gets it. And if you’ve ever laughed so hard you’ve started crying, or cried so deliriously that you may have appeared to be laughing, you know they have something in common.
They are releases when we don’t quite know what to say. Sometimes the pain is too deep, and words feel insufficient. Where we hope Pope Francis is now, there is no weeping.
He cried his tears. And every report of Easter Sunday Masses and services packed and overflowing — including with people entering the Catholic Church — were flowers he had watered with those tears, that were even more powerfully prayers. And yet, he still implores us to see what’s right in front of us — and within.
Love more — like that Jesus we just celebrated on the last day of Pope Francis’ life here..
