2 weeks Ago
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a breast augmentation surgery 20 years ago, for reasons that I still think were good ones. I am not interested in having to justify my choice to anyone, and in any case, it’s not something I could undo even if I wanted to. I’m now single and dating.
It has happened more than once that a man sees me undressed for the first time, detects that I have breast implants, then stops everything to stare at my chest and ask, “Why did you have that done?” It implies that he disapproves of my choice. I consider this rude, judgmental and insensitive. I never comment on other people’s bodies or their choices of what to do with them.
I certainly would never feel entitled to ask someone about something like that, unless I was explicitly invited to do so. What is a good way to respond when asked this intrusive and judgmental question, especially in the context of sexual intimacy? The times this has happened, I was so taken aback and dismayed that I couldn’t think of what to say in the moment. I have ended up saying something like, “It’s a long story and I don’t really want to talk about it right now” -- but I would like to also convey that I find the question offensive, body-shaming and hurtful.
GENTLE READER: Those are surely all qualities that you do not want in a potential suitor, much less an imminent lover. Miss Manners thinks you would well be rid of someone so quick to criticize you and question your choices -- irreversible or otherwise. And making negative comments in the throes of passion is not the way to sustain the situation -- which also makes it not particularly bright.
*** (Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com ; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.
com ; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.) Latest Advice Columns Dear Abby: A new girlfriend is taking my place in my best friend’s family Dear Annie: When we were leaving the party, my daughter-in-law said there was no room in the car for me Hints from Heloise: Cleaning crayon off furniture, a Pet Pal and more .
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