1 week Ago By Liz Rogers
Q. I have a problem. Since my periods started two years ago, they’ve gotten worse and worse.
My cramps are often unbearable. I’m in a lot of pain at least 3-4 days each cycle. I told my pediatrician at my yearly exam and she suggested to my mom that she take me to a gynecologist.
My mom got a little freaked out, but she did take me. She wouldn’t let the doctor do an internal exam because I’m so young, but she did let me have an ultrasound. The gynecologist feels I’d have a lot of relief if he put me on the pill.
Again, my mom freaked out, but louder this time. She’s convinced if I’m on the pill I’ll have sex. I told her I’m nowhere near ready to have sex and I just want to have a life where I’m not miserable once a month.
The gynecologist tried to reason with her, but mom is sure if I’m on the pill it’s like she’s giving me permission to have sex. The gynecologist suggested I write to you and then show your answer to my mom. Fingers crossed you can help.
– 14-year-old Mary Jo’s Response: You deserve all the medical help available to ease your discomfort. I trust your doctor and so should you and your mom. I’ve known many, many young people who experienced what you’re dealing with and found relief by taking hormones (which is the main ingredient in the pill).
Your mom isn’t the first parent I’ve known to worry about “giving permission” for sex by permitting use of the pill. I’ve encountered this mindset before. I hope my words can help.
I don’t know your mom, but I think her anxiety for you comes from a combination of fear and love. Let’s talk about fear first. Parents hear horrible stories about teen behavior.
Often the parents who are most troubled by these rumors are the ones whose teens are simply trying to do their best at school and at home. It’s challenging to assure your mom of your integrity – that, when you say you’re not interested in becoming sexually involved, you’re telling the truth. Your first task is to convince her you’re sincere.
I counseled a mom once who was so sure her daughter planned to sneak out of the house to have sex that she routinely locked her bedroom windows and door. One terrifying night, there was a fierce storm and the power went out. Mom couldn’t locate the bedroom door key; the daughter was frightened, and the mother was stressed – which is why she sought my services.
I suggested they create a written contract/agreement that spelled out the parent’s expectations and the daughter’s needs, with rewards for positive behavior and consequences for negative. It helped them. Communication can make a difference.
The love aspect is difficult to understand until you become a parent, if you ever do. Parents often feel responsible and protective for their children as they grow, to the point where they imagine problems where none exist. If you had another type of pain – a toothache, for example – your mom would seek professional help.
This is no different. I think you should follow your gynecologist’s recommendation. I think you should talk with your mom openly, offering to remain transparent and honest about your relationships.
I think your physical health is important. Taking the hormones in the pill does not make a person have sex but may ease your physical discomfort enough that you don’t dread your period. I’m also happy to talk with your mom if you like.
Good luck. Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.
com..
