2 weeks Ago
I’m trying to teach my child not to be rude. I’ve covered the basics, but social norms change so fast, it’s hard to keep up. What particular points I should emphasize? Good manners make good neighbors, but rudeness divides, so I applaud parents who teach their children polite habits.
I also commend the kids who practice them, especially when they do so outside their parents’ presence. I think I speak for most teachers when I say that manners make kids stand out far more than intelligence. Yet, I hear parents praise their children's intellect a lot more often than their politeness.
As you state, things swing. Many of the crudities kids committed a decade ago have been corrected, but every generation has its peculiar incivilities. Here are six ideas to counter impolitenesses that have become prevalent more recently: • Coach kids to endure an entire presentation.
Whether it's a class period, speech, assembly or wedding, it's rude to get up in the middle of the proceedings to kill time in the bathroom. Emergencies happen, but parents can teach their children to plan ahead to help forestall them. • Of course, if kids were walking out for genuine emergencies, I wouldn't even mention it, but that's not the case.
It clearly has more to do with boredom than bathroom. During church, I can't help but notice the parade of kids who all get the urge just when the sermon is starting. The constant exodus is distracting (and discouraging) for preachers, teachers and speakers, which is why it's rude.
• Speaking of presentations, teach kids to be quiet during them. Having conversations during a show, speech or teacher's lesson is disrespectful to the teachers and performers. • Coach kids not to walk away from adults they’re talking to until the conversation is over.
I'd never seen something like this two years earlier, but today it's rampant: A kid will ask: “What are we doing in class today?” As I’m telling them, they start walking away. They often don't even come to a complete stop to ask the question. Where did this come from? I first suspected the influence of social media, where kids start swiping after a two-second investment — then an adult mother did it to me, so who knows? Whatever the origin, it’s rude.
• Encourage kids to acknowledge the existence of fellow human beings. Much child rudeness is copied from rude adults. That might be the cause of the “walk away” above, and it’s surely the cause here.
Before my neighborhood began its transformation into a sad simulation of Beverly Hills, people walking down the street waved, said “Hello,” or at least nodded. Not anymore, and kids are following form. Teach (and show) them to offer a “Hi,” “Good morning,” or smile as people pass.
Those small interactions have a big impact on all of us. • My distaste for gum chewing in professional situations is well-documented. Sad to say, it’s an epidemic.
Recently, I was at a high school orientation, and half the student presenters were chewing gum. That smacks of a careless attitude that can be rudely off-putting. • Gum is mainly a problem with teens, and so is this one: wearing air pods everywhere.
Thoreau said one of the greatest compliments you can pay people is actually listening to them. How can you do that with your ears plugged? It's fine to listen to music or podcasts, but not when real-live people are talking to you. Does the smoothie girl really care about your order when she's half-listening to Taylor Swift? I saw a student last week wear air pods throughout an entire orchestra concert.
Teach kids that there are boundaries to their personal pleasure. A good rule of thumb is to teach kids to avoid actions that cause others to dislike them. Poor manners can lead entire generations to resent one another, which is detrimental to brotherly love.
So for your child's benefit and for the unity of our culture, guide your kids to treat others with dignity, respect, and appreciation. Jody Stallings has been an award-winning teacher in Charleston since 1992 and is director of the Charleston Teacher Alliance. To submit a question, order his books or follow him on social media, visit JodyStallings.
com ..
