1 week Ago By Hilary Keyes
With all of the possible upheaval and changes that take place in April, you would think that a month that starts with a week of holidays like May would be a kinder, gentler time. But there is something sinister that may strike at any moment in May: the so-called “gogatsu-byo”. Japan’s May Sickness & Its Effect On RelationshipsWhat Exactly Is Gogatsu-byo?Back to work and post-vacation can make you feel a bit off, to say the least.
五月病 (Gogatsu-byo; “May Sickness”) is the term for a seasonal affective disorder-like psychological condition that affects many Japanese people (and directly or indirectly, us foreigners living here) once the flurry of activity in April and the relaxing Golden Week vacation has passed.Gogatsu-byo SymptomsMany believe that the number of changes that take place in April, coupled with vacations and then push back into a still-new work or school environment, causes the gogatsu-byo in the first place. Sufferers report experiencing:InsomniaDecreased or increased appetiteRestlessnessNervousness AnxietyMood swingsDepressionThey experience a host of “not quite feeling right” physical symptoms that many doctors struggle to diagnose.
While this may seem like an unusual condition to those new to Japan, after being here for a few years, you will definitely start to notice that people behave differently in April and June compared to May.The Relationship TurmoilDo people around you feel somehow different lately? It could be the season.This uniquely Japanese condition can also cause intense turmoil in personal relationships.
Looking over my diaries from years past and talking to friends from all walks of life in Japan, two distinct trends concerning relationships have appeared consistently from about May 4th to the first week of June. Here are the two biggest examples:1. People Seem Standoffish or Overly SensitiveIn general, many people are by nature afraid of change and dislike having to adjust to a new schedule.
If you come from a country with Daylight Saving Time, you probably remember how drowsy and confused you felt in those first couple of days after changing the clocks. Add that to potential home, career and lifestyle changes that may have taken place in less than a month. Plus, with the haze that everyone feels after a long vacation, you have a recipe for disaster in any group of people.
Friends may be less likely to come out for a drink after work; co-workers might be feeling disinclined to work or less helpful than usual, and a host of communication problems and other issues can crop up.Murphy’s Law states that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. So, expect some bad days where normally friendly co-workers suddenly seem aloof, for things not to be ready on time or for deadlines to appear out of nowhere.
My friend had a typically stern co-worker burst into tears because they bought the wrong kind of tea for the office. Just this very morning, I watched as a tiny, sweet-faced old woman berated the station staff with some choice words that aren’t in most Japanese-English dictionaries.2.
No Relationship Is SafeWith all this weirdness in the air, people may find that their romantic relationships are changing too. If you have survived the fine line between sakura and romance last month, you may find that there is a sudden chill in the relationship. It may be last-minute cancellations, fewer text messages or an overall blasé approach to the relationship.
Some people even use the month as an excuse to end relationships that are heading nowhere.Based on my own experiences, about 25% of my past relationships ended in May. Another friend (a Japanese male) reported that 40% of his had ended before May 31st.
In his words: “May seems like the best time to break off relationships—if you just don’t want to date someone anymore for any reason, May gives you plenty of excuses as to why you don’t have time for them.“A quick poll of my friends who live or have lived in Japan showed that more than half of the couples had either broken up or seriously reconsidered their relationships in May. One friend even said that she intentionally waited until May to break up with her partner, whom she knew had no future.
My Advice?Turn off the computer and spend some time for yourself. May, too, will pass. The best way to overcome any gogatsu-byo is to invest in yourself.
Take time out for self-care, talk to people if you need to and don’t let change scare you or get you down.If you are finding that your relationship is going through some unwanted changes or coldness, give it a little time, let things settle back into normalcy, and, if the relationship isn’t giving you what you need anymore, reconsider your options. If it is, then wait patiently until you successfully make it past May and its dreaded gogatsu-byo, and you can likely weather whatever else is coming your way together.
And that includes the upcoming rainy season in June, which can be a great time for cuddling and stay-at-home fun together!Are you facing any issues with your Japanese partner? Do you want to take the relationship to another level but don’t know how? If you have any questions for Hilary, send an email to [email protected], and she will answer them in a separate article. Anonymity guaranteed.
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