2 weeks Ago By Vicky-spratt
For millennials who grew up in the era of “30 under 30” lists and girl boss feminism, it can often feel like you’ve failed if you haven’t ticked every life box by your thirties.Professional success. Check.
Buying a home. Check. Finding a partner.
Check. Having children. Check.
Throughout the late 2010s, success was personified by an image of an immaculately dressed young woman (or man) who had founded their tech empire/start-up by the age of 30 and produced a few children who would be paraded on Instagram.if(window.adverts) { window.
adverts.addToArray({"pos": "inread-hb-ros-inews"}); }But in the 2020s, becoming that person who walks around with all of their ducks in a row is now almost impossible for most people. For young adults in Britain, the conventional goalposts of adulthood keep shifting further into the distance.
We buy our first homes later because they’re so expensive. We meet our long-term partners later, partly because we have more choices courtesy of dating apps (a blessing and a curse). We will likely have children later (if we want them), partly because these aforementioned factors have combined to change the way we live in comparison to our parents or grandparents.
In the UK, the average age at which women have their first child has risen steadily from 23 since the 1970s. It’s now 29.6 and set to go up again.
Similarly, the average age of a first-time homeowner is 33. That’s the oldest average age for first-time buyers in two decades. if(window.
adverts) { window.adverts.addToArray({"pos": "mpu_mobile_l1"}); }if(window.
adverts) { window.adverts.addToArray({"pos": "mpu_tablet_l1"}); }There are many very good reasons to feel despondent about these statistics.
Young women who want children in their 20s increasingly can’t afford to have them. Buying a home is not as accessible as it once was for people at the start of their working lives without family wealth. This matters.
Despite what longevity gurus like Bryan Johnson will tell you, human life is quite finite. We will all get older and, eventually, die. Similarly, it is a scientific fact that fertility does fade with age.
These inescapable biological realities can compound to make it feel urgent to do things young and disappointing when that’s not possible. Nobody wants to be worrying about paying rent in older age or facing the prospect of trying to conceive through IVF. But, at the same time, these changes could be an opportunity for us to celebrate doing things a little later.
A chance to consider what we might do differently in our 30s and 40s that we would not have done in our 20s. For instance, studies show that the statistical trend for marrying later has led to a decline in divorce rates. This could be because people who commit to a partner a little later are more likely to have had a few relationships which have helped them get to know and understand themselves.
There’s nothing quite like having your heart broken or, indeed, breaking someone else’s to help you grow. Similarly, while taking out a mortgage earlier in life will undeniably put you in a better position than someone who takes one out later on and, therefore, carries debt into retirement, there are some benefits to waiting. I rushed into buying a home at the first opportunity in my late twenties.
I did it with an ex-partner. We didn’t have much cash for a deposit, and I earned a lot less than I do now. As a result, I ended up borrowing a huge amount to buy a one-bedroom flat.
If I’d waited a few years, I’d have had a better credit rating, more savings towards a deposit, and a smaller mortgage as a result. Perhaps I’d have been able to buy a two or three-bedroom home instead of a flat.if(window.
adverts) { window.adverts.addToArray({"pos": "mpu_mobile_l2"}); }if(window.
adverts) { window.adverts.addToArray({"pos": "mpu_tablet_l2"}); }More than that, if I’d waited, I wouldn’t have entered into a mortgage with someone I would eventually break up with.
That breakup, by the way, was incredibly costly because I had to remortgage and pay hefty solicitors fees.Having done the things “you’re supposed to do” by the age of 30, before extricating myself from both a relationship and mortgage at the age of 31, I can confirm that hitting so-called “milestones” early doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve made decisions you can or should stand by further down the line either. It would be disingenuous of me, a journalist who writes about the housing crisis and intergenerational inequality, to sit here and tell you that I think the hand young adults have been dealt by policymakers since the 1980s is fair or right.
#color-context-related-article-2047712 {--inews-color-primary: #46A3E0;--inews-color-secondary: #EBF5FC;--inews-color-tertiary: #46A3E0;} Read Next square LIFESTYLE .inews__post__label__first-person{background-color: #0a0000;color: #ffffff;}First PersonAt the age of 34, I finally stopped caring about life milestones and found happinessRead MoreIf our lives were a game of poker, I’d go as far as to say we’ve probably ended up with the worst possible starting hand, statistically speaking.And yet, two things can be true.
In the great rush to do everything in my late 20s because I was worried about rising rents and the ticking “biological clock” that women are taught to tune into, I made mistakes.I prioritised reaching milestones in my personal life without pausing to consider whether the timing was right for me.Adulthood has been reshaped by external social and economic factors.
That’s a scary reality to live, particularly if (like me) you have parents and grandparents who find it perturbing and tell you about all the things they had done at your age.if(window.adverts) { window.
adverts.addToArray({"pos": "mpu_mobile_l3"}); }if(window.adverts) { window.
adverts.addToArray({"pos": "mpu_tablet_l3"}); }But I realise now that, had I waited, everything would (probably) have been OK.I have just turned 37.
I am not married. I’m still living in that one-bedroom flat. The sky has not fallen in.
Quite the opposite, in fact. I’d go as far as to say things are better now, not despite the mistakes I made, but because of them.When you’re younger, older people have a uniquely annoying way of giving advice, which sounds incredibly trite.
“One day this won’t matter so much”, or “something better will come along”. They’re not always right, but with time comes experience. Whenever something goes wrong or doesn’t work out, it helps you understand what you want and need from life.
That’s certainly how I feel now at 37.The world, as Chancellor Rachel Reeves keeps saying, “has changed”. Well, nobody knows this better than the under-45s today.
Adulthood might seem less secure for us, but perhaps our older age will look different in surprising ways, too. Maybe we will embrace success in later life more? Maybe homeownership will become less of a priority because private renters in Britain are being given more rights. Maybe there will be less stigma about becoming an older parent.
All that is to say, as you age, you come to understand what you actually want. You hone your skills and use your energy to make the most of them. Our obsession with early achievement as a signifier of success means we too often overlook what we might gain when we don’t get exactly what we want.
Young adults today are going to be forced to do the things previous generations did in their 20s in their 30s or 40s by economic conditions beyond their control. So it’s time to stop writing ourselves, or anyone else, off if we bloom a little later..
