Out There: Just walking, not stalking, I promise

Last week, I mentioned that a clothing store clerk eyeballed me as a size 2XL. I’m not, thank you, but some of my XL shirts are working very hard. It’s been a long winter.

I’ve grown. But with the snow and ice gone, I’m out there walking again and every single time I go, I feel better as a person. Except the last time.



We have a nice little paved trail in our town, offering a safe, peaceful place for walkers like me. But somehow, I still find myself in uncomfortable situations. The last time I walked, I faced every challenge a casual walker could face.

First, I started walking just a little bit behind two other walkers. They were moving slightly slower than me. Not a lot slower but slower.

So, it’s like when you’re driving on the highway and someone ahead of you is slowing down your adaptive cruise control but, when you pull out to pass, they’re going pretty much the same speed as you. You don’t want to crank it up to 130 to pass but it’s either that or suffer the inconvenience of driving one tenth of one kilometre per hour slower than you would like. On the walking trail, I was doing triangulations and estimations trying to decide if I should pass these two or just slow down to their pace.

There’s no right answer. If I slow down, I’m not getting the cardio I’m after plus I look a little like a stalker. If I speed up, it’s going to take me minutes, not seconds, to get past them.

What do I do when I pull up beside them? Do I speed into a light jog for a minute? Do I start chatting? All I could think of was to pick up my walking pace as best I could and then, for some reason, as I was just barely getting by them, I said, “Eat my dust.” Why would I say that? It took me six minutes to truly get by them. What an idiot.

Here’s issue number two. Our trail is a line, not a loop. That means all of us walkers have to walk the length of the trail then turn around and walk back.

When you see someone walking toward you, you’re probably going to say, “Hi.” That’s fine. I can manage that.

But what do I do on the return when I pass that person again? Do we say “Hi” again? Do we pretend we don’t remember seeing each other once already? Do we ignore each other? I try to watch them to see what their move is, then I follow their lead. It’s probably creepy the way I side-eye stare waiting to see if they are going to say “Hi” or not. But the worst thing I did on my last walk is really awkward.

I was nearing the end of the trail and there was a woman walking toward me with a dog. I had my AirPods in. I couldn’t hear.

She said something to me that sounded like, “Mrmble narch frunk thap.” I thought for a second — long enough to create an uncomfortable pause. In that time, I decided she must have said something about it being a nice evening for a walk.

So, I said, “Niiiice.” I said it just like that. “Niiiice.

” If I had just managed a complete thought. “It’s a nice evening ..

. nice weather ..

. lovely day ..

. I like your dog” it would have been fine. But no.

I paused, looked at her, and said, “Niiiice.” I haven’t gone back to the trail since..