1 week Ago
The most important news emerging from the recent Songkran activities is that Thailand finally has its own "RoboCop". The kingdom's first AI police robot was spotted on active duty in Nakhon Pathom province keeping an eagle eye on water-throwing activities. It has been given the name Pol Col Nakhon Pathom Plod Phai, which is admittedly bit of a mouthful but roughly translates as "Nakhon Pathom is safe".
The robot is an impressive looking character and stands way taller than the average Thai cop. No doubt it has already suffered the same tired basketball jokes that tall people always have to put up with. Although the robot cop appears to be quite amiable, you certainly wouldn't want to mess with it.
It is unclear if anyone chucked water at the robot during the Songkran festivities but one suspects probably not. Some may have seen the film RoboCop whose main character didn't stand for any nonsense. Coincidentally in Britain the word Plod is slang for policeman.
It has its origins in children's author Enid Blyton. Her popular Noddy books which emerged in the 1950s included the Toyland policeman called Mr Plod or PC Plod. His catchphrase was an authoritative "stop, in the name of Plod" although it was often ignored.
Although he was portrayed as dull and "plodding", for some reason PC Plod's character caught on with the British public, leading to uniformed policemen being referred to as "Plod" usually in a friendly fashion. Welcome to Toyland Speaking of Toyland brings to mind an English lady I met in Bangkok in the early 1970s. She had just arrived to join her husband who was already working in the Big Mango.
Shortly before she left England a man from the Electricity Board asked for a forwarding address. So she gave him her husband's Bangkok address which he dutifully wrote down. Remember, this was in the days when there were still people in Britain who had never heard of Thailand.
The fellow did not appear to be the sharpest tool in the shed and this was confirmed when he had to ask her how to spell Bangkok. When he was finished she took a precautionary look at what he had written to make sure that at least the spelling of the country was correct. And there it was in black and white.
.. Toyland.
Well, it was a good try. Cardboard plods Back to the fuzz. Some years ago, to create a feeling of a wider police presence in Bangkok, someone with perhaps too much time on his hands came up with the inspiring idea of cardboard cops.
These were actually life-size replicas installed at intersections, designed to make motorists drive sensibly and at the same time scare off crooks. Admirable though the motives may have been, one suspects motorists would have to be pretty thick to fall for cardboard coppers. They didn't sweat for a start.
The authorities had actually tried it out once before but it turned out to be short-lived experiment as all the cardboard cops were blown over in a major thunderstorm. They were a sorry sight, littering the side of the roads, lying on their backs, hardly a deterrent for those intent on crookery. Thank goodness we've got robots now to sort things out.
English lessons The Thai Tourist police have done theie best to solve incidents involving visitors, but it is not easy handling 40 million tourists speaking in foreign tongues. Language misunderstandings have always been a problem. Back in 2012 there was considerable excitement when it was officially announced that the Tourist Police would be speaking "fluent English in six months.
" That was perhaps a trifle optimistic. After all, I have been trying to master English for more than six decades and still haven't got the hang of it. Suffice to say anyone expecting the Thai cops after six months to come out with "hello, hello, hello, what's going on here then?" or "you're nicked" would have been sorely disappointed.
Evening, all I am ancient enough to remember the BBC's police series Dixon of Dock Green which ran from 1955-76. It starred Jack Warner as PC George Dixon and featured a few simple expressions that could be quite useful for the Thai Tourist Police. Dixon began every episode ambling down the police station steps to the tune of Maybe It's Because I'm a Londoner.
He would greet viewers with a friendly "Evening, all" and conclude with "Goodnight, all", sometimes adding a cautionary farewell of "mind how you go!'' Wouldn't it be wonderful to be greeted by a Thai tourist cop with an "Evening all" or even a "Morning, all". Just as long as they don't come out with "Do you feel lucky, punk?" or "Go ahead, make my day" which definitely did not come from Dixon. George didn't quite have the vocabulary or the energy to match Dirty Harry but like Clint Eastwood, he always got his man even though he was aged over 60 and a bit on the tottery side.
Mistaken identity The best of luck to these policemen with their English lessons. Here's a sentence they might find particularly useful when called upon to help tourists in the Land of Smiles: "When did you discover that the beautiful Ms Lek you met at the Stale Peanut bar was in fact Mister Lek?''.
