1 week Ago
“I can’t see shit, girl.” Madison Beer is sitting in a corner booth at a dimly lit Italian restaurant by the beach in Los Angeles, sliding on a pair of glasses to study the menu. And suddenly there is another version of the pop star sitting across from me—someone still dressed in a distinctly Gen Z–esque crop top and low-slung pants, but now softer, more approachable.
It’s like the reverse of the clichéd high school movie makeover scene where the nerdy heroine takes off her glasses to reveal she’s been a supermodel all along. I’m loath to start the story this way, but it’s also the truth: Madison carries the very specific kind of beauty that makes you exclaim, “Oh my god, you’re so gorgeous” the second you see her. Her pale skin, dark hair, and large eyes create the type of image our society—and algorithms—are known to prioritize, the kind social media filters were made to emulate.
Internet commenters often compare her to a real-life Barbie doll, surely a boon for any artist in an industry obsessed with aesthetic perfection. Except, as it turns out, there’s a fraught shadow side to Madison’s pretty privilege, one she’s been wrestling with all along. We’re at this meal so I can conduct the definitive Madison Beer interview—to explore why the singer-songwriter is famous but not necessarily a household name, despite following every step of the internet-age blueprint for breakout success.
Her new album, out later this year, will be the third in her 13-year career, which has included , platinum-selling records, and heart-wrenching chart-topping ballads. Her peers on this same track, people like and , are bona fide global sensations, serving up inescapable hit singles, selling out major venues like Madison Square Garden, and . While Madison, with endorsements from some of the biggest names in music (Justin Bieber, , Post Malone), an obsessive fandom, and a sky-high volume of 78 million social media followers, is not.
Why? The answer starts in 2012, when Justin shared 13-year-old Madison’s YouTube cover of Etta James’s “At Last” and his then-manager, industry heavyweight Scooter Braun, signed her. It lies in everything that happened next: almost unimaginable blows to a burgeoning career like the ; relentless cyberbullying; sexual assault; diagnoses of borderline personality disorder, OCD, and depression. It flows into and from music Madison tells me she never believed in and felt forced to make and around professional divots like being dropped from her label and splitting from Braun (Madison was one of the first artists to very publicly speak out against his treatment of artists).
It’s present, if you look closely, throughout her deeply vulnerable . And it lingers, I come to realize, equal parts on the internet and in her head. “It’s funny when I go on Twitter and people are like, ‘Madison would be bigger if this, more successful if that.
..’” she says.
“I hate when people diminish the success of artists because they’re not number one. You don’t have to be number one to be successful.” That doesn’t mean she doesn’t still number one, she clarifies, even if the idea of getting there can feel triggering.
By the time of our interview, I was supposed to have heard and studied Madison’s newest single. But I haven’t—because it still doesn’t exist. Because the pressure of making The Big Thing (everyone around Madison seems to agree this upcoming record will be what scores her household-name status) is like water on the sparks of the creative process.
Especially for someone who writes, coproduces, and art-directs her own music and videos with precision and a hyperfixation of how it may be perceived. “I just want it to be perfect, and I don’t even know what that means,” she explains. (In all fairness, it’s not just Madison.
It’s all of us. Chasing perfection with any creative endeavor is an arduous undertaking. Case in point: The story you’re reading is the polished version of my sixth scrap-it-and-start-over draft of the definitive Madison Beer story.
) Here’s the thing though: When the long route to a breakout moment is the only route available to you, the experiences you collect along the way become currency you can use to write a new kind of blueprint. For Madison, those plans include openly moving on from a traumatic past and finishing this next album on her own terms. It’s about making everything (her beauty, her talent, her work) look easy and recognizing instead that this path will be—is already—hard.
And although she doesn’t need or want your approval, she does hope you may recognize a bit of yourself in her music and that it helps get you closer to finding your own way. There’s no clocking in and out of the job. The other day, I broke down out of nowhere.
I was working with this songwriter I’ve always wanted to work with and my entire arm started going numb, the side of my head started going numb. I just lost a friend to a brain aneurysm. So I’m thinking I’m having one, straight-up, and I’m freaking out internally.
She asked me, “Are you okay?” I burst into tears. I had just met her an hour before. I ended up taking the weekend to do nothing.
I was like, I want to sit in my room, watch stupid movies, play , go in my Jacuzzi, drink a beer. Everyone can fuck off, leave me alone. I’m not doing anyone a favor by burning myself out.
Why does it have to get to the point of me having a panic attack? It shouldn’t, but I’m trying to snap out of it. So stressed, but I’m trying to snap out of it. The pressure of what I hope this next chapter will be and the success that I hope it reaches.
I want to make songs I feel really proud of. I want to play Madison Square Garden. I want to play the Forum.
In the past, I’ve done things where I’m like, “I really don’t want to do this, it’s going to make me miserable...
but let’s do it.” Now I don’t want to make myself miserable along the way. I want to achieve my dreams and look around me and be like, and That’s what I want.
I have the highest goals. This is hopefully what solidifies everything for me, whatever that means. That’s why it’s been hard to make—there’s a lot of pressure I’m putting on myself.
So it’s taking me a second, but it feels exciting. I don’t want to succeed if it means not being who I am. I don’t need people to love me.
And I don’t want people to listen to my music if it’s not real. And then I’m simultaneously trying not to have a panic attack thinking about if everything goes super well, what my life will look like. Because that scares me, which is something I’m trying to be honest with myself about.
When you work your whole life toward something and then it’s right there, it’s like, “ I want it though?” I do want it. But it’s easy to get lost in “I want to be the biggest and, oh my god, look at this artist and this artist and I want to do all the things they’re doing.” I get nervous because I look at some of my peers and friends who have had these huge moments and I’m like, “I’m afraid of this.
” Pretending that part of it doesn’t exist is weird. When I was a young girl and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I had the curtain pulled back really quickly. I saw a lot of big celebrities doing crazy things, having horrible times.
And I was like, “Whoa, you guys aren’t all like fairies. What?”1 Literally the same day my manager dropped me, my lawyer dropped me, and my label dropped me. Everything in my life went away within 12 hours.
I was 16 and my label was like, “Good luck.” And I’m like, “You guys just stole years of my childhood that I’ll never get back. And now it’s just ‘good luck’ and ‘have fun’? I can’t go to college because I’ve been homeschooled.
I have a high school degree and nothing else because of my career. My whole family uprooted and moved to Los Angeles with no connections. I have no friends.
Are you guys kidding me?” I hadn’t been successful enough. There was a conversation around me when I was 14, I remember people being like, “She’s too sexy” and “We can’t sell the sex because she’s so young, so we’d have to wait.” This was a real conversation, grown men talking about how I was too sexy.
I was 14.2 Honestly, the hardest part was having these people that I thought really loved me never speak to me again. I went from being kissed on the forehead like, “You’re family to us—come to our house for Thanksgiving,” and “We all love you, you’re going to be the female Justin Bieber, give it a year” to being dropped on my head.
I felt like I was a dollar sign to them and when I didn't bring in enough money, they didn’t care about me anymore. Maybe they shouldn’t have signed a 12-year-old without thinking of the consequences of what that was going to do. It feels even crazier now because when I have 12-year-old girls come to my meet-and-greets, I’m like, “You’re a baby.
There’s no way that I was a signed artist at your age.” It’s terrifying. No, it’s sickening.
The lack of caring about my childhood was so disturbing. I was like, “Wow, y’all really don’t give a fuck.” It’s real, girl—I experienced it.
Should I keep it inside now the rest of my life? Fuck that. Am I scared of these people? No. The reason it was a thing was because Scooter had signed me and obviously Scooter had signed Justin.
Justin had posted a cover and I had posted a cover, so it felt synchronized. But Justin was also only a teenager when I got signed—he hadn’t even experienced his adult life yet. He’s been through so much, too.
I love him and Hailey [Bieber] very much. I was with them recently and we were like, “How special that we’ve known each other for so long.” I’ve known Hailey since I was 10, and I’ve known Justin since I was 12.
We’re still in each other’s lives and now they’re married with a baby. I feel more ready than I ever have. And I’m like, “Thank god my breakout didn’t happen three years ago.
My god, I would’ve died.” Now I’m being real with myself. It’s scary, bro.
I am already freaked out by how many people know who I am. Imagine it getting worse. The boy who the whole nude situation happened with, he reached out to me and was like, “I had no idea that I hurt you like this.
I’m so sorry.” I don’t know how it feels to be a 14-year-old boy receiving photos of a girl. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I don’t think he was being malicious showing them to his friends.
He was a kid. I’ve had to sit people down and be like, “Hey, you owe me an apology for what you did to me when I was a kid.” And a lot of the other people from that time in my life—I just have completely severed my relationships with.
I don’t care to make up with you or be cool with you. No. Sometimes you’ve got to just let it go.
I tried to go the other way and kill myself, and don’t get me wrong, I still have those moments. But I was like, “I need to first prove all these people wrong. And second, maybe I can help someone out there who sees themselves in me in any way.
” I like to think that everything I went through and continue to go through is because I’m strong enough to survive and tell the story. Just because I’m okay with it now doesn’t mean I deserved to go through it. As much as people mistreated me, who I really have a bone to pick with is the internet.
I recently saw this video someone posted on TikTok from when I was 13. It was my first time on a TV show, and I sang a song that I completely botched the ending of. I went back to the original comments.
People were like, “I didn’t know it was possible to get ear cancer,” “I didn’t know that you could be talentless and get signed,” “Oh my god, this girl sucks.” I don’t give a fuck that I’m a public figure or that I put myself out there. You don’t treat children like that.
I’ve been bullied a lot. They sometimes do interviews with me just to make fun of me. People around me used to tell me “Shhh, don’t speak back, don’t stand up for yourself.
” But I’m at this place now where I will happily be like, “What the fuck are you saying?” if that’s how I feel. And who I am is someone who does stand up for themselves—someone who can be a bitch, if that’s what you deem it as. If I could have a perfect world, I would not be on social media at all.
I don’t think there’s any way to accurately depict yourself online. I’m so conditioned to everything I say and do on the internet being twisted. Though I do, unfortunately, scroll TikTok for hours on end.
I want to delete it but I’d lose all my drafts. I don’t have Twitter on my phone anymore. I’m not going to die on this hill begging all of you to see me when you are clearly committed to misunderstanding me.
I do miss my fans who are on there though—I used to talk to them on Twitter all the time. I really had to ask myself: It’s taken me so long and I’m obviously still doing so much work on myself. But yeah, it’s been a fucking journey.
There’ve been so many situations in my life where I’ve been burned...
.I’ve been betrayed in every single way. It’s really painful.
I guess I just got to a point where I was like, “Feel your feelings about it.” That’s me coping with things. I don’t fuck with wallowing in misery because I’ve done that and it doesn’t end well.
I’d rather be real with myself, like, But I also try to be a joyous person that’s loving life and has more empathy than judgment. Even for the people who almost bullied me into killing myself. We’re alive for a short period of time.
I called my mom three nights ago because she is the kindest, most loving person, and she always taught me and my brother about empathy. My dad's amazing, too, but that specific generosity, going out of my way for people, that’s really Tracie Beer. I’d done something generous for someone and I was having a reflective moment like, “I’m so thankful that you’re my mom and that you gave me this heart.
” It’s important to let people know how they positively affect you. I’ve never wanted to turn hard and cold against the world because I think there are beautiful, amazing people out there. Just because I’ve experienced a bunch of shitty ones doesn’t mean everyone is bad.
You’ve got to try to keep your heart open. Yes. But also, don’t get it twisted.
Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. Sometimes when people hear me talk, they’re like, “She likes to pretend like she’s such an angel.” I’m like, “Girl, no one’s pretending like they’re an angel.
” I have plenty of demons in my closet. If you fuck with me, I’m going to be the one that’s going off on you. I take the way I’m treated very seriously.
Don’t mess with me. I met a girl, literally out and about, and I was on her phone lock screen, and one of my songs, “ ,” was her ringtone. And I was like, “How did we just run into each other on the street? I’m going to cry my eyes out.
” Those are the moments, honestly, more so than getting nominated for a Grammy...
I wouldn’t have gotten that without everything that came before it, including the fans who support me. There have been so many moments that are very “pinch me” vibes. I remember , the first show with over 5,000 people when I headlined my own tour.
I was trembling at the sound check. I walked out there thinking, Transparently, though, after the tour4, I thought I was done. I love my fans, but the experience as a whole was just too much.
I was going through a lot and trying to perform and meet 150 or 200 people a night. I was questioning my career. I have thoughts to this day where I’m like, But I’ve been able to arrive at the answer being, “Yes, this is what I want.
" And my next tour, the Spinnin’ Tour,5 proved it. It was an amazing experience because I set boundaries, which I will preach about forever. I hope anyone reading this can hear me through the fucking pages.
You’ve got to stand up for yourself or people will just take advantage and you’ll end up as a shadow of yourself. Fuck that. I’m not just here to make all of you people money.
If you want a robot, make one. I cut my meet-and-greets down to 30 people and I have a no-phones rule because of my trust issues. I want to be open with my fans in these conversations, I tell them secrets.
Someone posted a video they took secretly and all of the comments were like, “Delete this. She says she doesn’t want this. Do not talk about things that happened in the Q&A.
” And I’m like, thank you. I finally have a team around me that gives a fuck. I want to feel like I’m having fun because, hello? We’re not working at NASA.
We’re not doing life-or-death work. Of course, music is so important, but let’s loosen up a little and not be so goddamn serious all the time. And by the way, I can already hear the people on Twitter being like, “Well, this is why you're not as big as the other girls, girl.
” And you know what? Maybe it is. Or maybe it is because I prioritize my life and my mental health more than my career. I’m really proud of where I’m at and I’m not putting all of my self-worth into my career.
To be so honest with you, a lot of my self-worth is based on the way I look. I’m trying to change that, but it’s so deep-rooted. It’s been ingrained in me since I was young because of people focusing on superficial bullshit.
Unfortunately, that’s manifested itself into a place where if I’m breaking out or I’ve gained five pounds or I don’t feel pretty, I don’t feel like I’m worth anything. That’s genuinely my most real answer and it came into my head and I was like, But it’s important because I think a lot of young girls relate. If you don’t feel hot, you feel like you’re nothing.
It sucks. I’ve gotten better by not wearing makeup or by going out in sweatpants, by not feeling “hot” all the time. It’s a double-edged sword, because people are like, “Oh, boo-hoo, people think you’re pretty.
” That’s not at all what I’m saying. I’m trying to say that I feel like I have a lot more to offer. It feels like the opposite of who I am.
I get so frustrated because I’m like, . I know that that’s a trauma response, that it’s related to my borderline personality disorder and OCD. I know that it stems from years of people making me feel like that’s all I’m good for.
But I’m also asking myself, ? It’s having deep conversations, doing kind things for others, and spreading love. As cheesy as that sounds..
.that is what makes me feel like I’m worth $1 trillion. My heart.
Because I’m picking myself apart. I’m my biggest critic. Everything I say and do, I’m like But my brain is wired to care about it.
Like I said, I had grown men in the industry being like, “She’s too pretty” or “She’s too sexy.” And let’s not even get into just being a woman in general. What we’re told from so young is “Be pretty, be hot.
” Society just continues to perpetuate this. It’s terrible. I don’t want my self-worth to be caught up in that because when I feel the best about myself is when I’m performing.
Or when I meet somebody and we have a beautiful moment of connection. For sure. I love people.
I meet someone, I love them. I’m like, “Okay, I’m never letting you go. You’ll be with me forever until you hurt me.
” That’s the deal. I think I also, because I have such a weird life and never feel safe and comfortable with someone, when I cross that line of “you’re my boyfriend,” it feels really big. I really don’t.
I joke that I’m a , because honestly, make me laugh and we’re good. Truthfully. Sometimes also there’s just a.
..thing.
Yeah. You could literally look so different from . And if there’s just that , it’s there.
I love people’s souls more than anything. I’m just like, “Yeah, I don’t really know why you give a fuck that I want to date a girl.” I’ve never understood homophobic people, because I’m just like, “Why are you affected by someone else’s sexual preference?” It doesn’t affect me unless I’m trying to sleep with you and you don’t want to sleep with me.
I like to speak about it because I know how much the gay community has been through. My grandfather married a woman and had three children with her because he was trying to convert himself. It makes me so upset that we live in this world where you can’t just be who you are.
A bit needy. I love all the attention in the world, which sometimes means I shoot myself in the foot because obviously no one can give me that all the time. But I’m just a lover girl.
I’m sure my boyfriend would have a different answer. And I’m a Rising Gemini and Libra Moon. He’s Cancer, Cancer, Cancer.
It can be good and bad. It’s intense and fun, but it’s good. We’ve been together for four years, which is nuts.
No, neither of us are equipped for whatever the fuck might come. But it’s kind of exciting to be like, “We’re going to figure all this out, hopefully together.” Yes, I know he’s going to support me, but do I think that he knows or I know or my parents know or my brother knows how we’re going to feel or go through it if and when that does happen? No.
But in terms of certain other people, don’t think that if and hopefully when this album goes crazy, I’m not going to be like, “You didn’t give me the time of fucking day and now you want to be my best friend. Goodbye. Get out of my face, genuinely.
” I love my new followers, I love them so much. But I’m also so close with my fans who have been with me since the beginning. I’m thinking of so many of their names right now, and I’m like, “When I’m doing an arena tour, I will see you in the front row and you will be the reason I’m emotional because you’ve seen me and you’ve been a part of this journey this whole time.
” When a lot of people didn’t get it, they did..
